Whatever Happened To Josh Hartnett?

Understand that this question is not rhetorical. I seriously wanted to know what happened to Josh Hartnett. I gather that he is still very much alive and doing work, but what happened to this guy’s trajectory. 

**Unofficial**

Cue Wikipedia search.

He’s not Canadian, so I lost that bet. Seems his first credit of note was a show in ‘97 called ‘Cracker’. I was seven at the time, so there was no way I was watching a show named after my mom’s co-worker..

But ‘Halloween H20’? ‘The Faculty’? Hell yeah I remember those. Two crappy movies that I remember much better than I should. Hartnett stood out in those movie to me for wearing baggy white people clothes. He even held a gun sideways and snorting drugs out of a pen. I remember asking myself, “Who does this mom’s co-worker think he is anyways?”

Down the filmography list, some stuff I didn’t know existed, only thing of note is ‘Virgin Suicides’ which is one of my reasons for generally liking Kirsten Dunst. Next up, ‘Pearl Harbor’. I remember my parents watching this movie and cheering for Cuba Gooding Jr. when he shot down one plane as his ship and others were getting bombarded. At the time I didn’t get the hoopla over that scene, because they were still getting their asses handed to them. To me it was like being employee of the month at Taco Bell.

Moving on, I see the film ‘O’ which included more scenes of a baggy clothed Hartnett sweating and holding a gun the wrong way. I actually liked this one. Always thought that if Sanaa Lathan turned down ‘Love and Basketball’, then Julia Stiles should have got the part. Why Tyler Perry hasn’t scooped her up yet is beyond me.

Totally remember ‘40 Days and 40 Nights’ simply because when it was over I was disappointed in lack of sex scenes. It’s a movie about sex, but there was like no sex of note in the movie! (zips up pants)

Remember ‘The Black Dahlia’?? Me neither.

Whoa, whoa, whoa now wait a minute. I am just now realizing that Hartnett did ‘40 Days and 40 Nights’ and then years later did ‘30 Days of Night’. Here’s to 2015 bringing ‘20 Afternoons’ to the big screen!

 After 2007 is where things get very Nicolas Cage. There’s a list of movies. But not anything worthy of being released in a theater. This is where I appear to have lost Josh Hartnett.

I see that sometime between now and then he directed a Kid Cudi video, likely to spite Shia Labeouf. This is absolutely terrible. Somebody needs to pick up the phone and get this guy a fucking j—

UPDATE!!!

JOSH HARTNETT LANDS ROLE IN SAM MENDES PRODUCED TELEVISION HORROR SERIES


Well, alright….

Kids Make Really Crappy Lemonade

If you’re like me, and have had the privilege to live in some nice and safe suburban neighborhoods, then you may also have come across a couple of kids’ makeshift lemonade stand every once in awhile. 

It’s something kids do, usually getting the idea from some children’s movie/tv show, or maybe from their decrepit grandparents. The end results are quite cute. There’s something about not fully grown human beings that write ‘LEMONADE’ on a sign in bright letters (usually with some grammatical error) that brings all the people to the yard.

My only real gripe with the practice at all is probably the most important aspect of the entire scheme.

THE LEMONADE ALWAYS TASTES LIKE SHIT

I cannot emphasize this any greater. I have been to about 6 different lemonade stands owned and operated by kids that aren’t old enough to watch HBO. Each had the same bitter tasting ending. Usual problems include:

-Not enough sugar

-Too much lemon juice

-Almost zero lemon juice

-Dirty cups (one time there was actual dirt in my cup

With such a poor product, the one constant is that I always feel cheated by the price. I’ve paid an average of 75 cents for basically a shot of water out of a dixie cup. Lowest has been 50 cents (that was the one with dirt in it), highest I’ve paid was $1.25 (hot sister). I gotta give it to the mini suburbanites, they are grooming themselves for the American business world.

Sometimes I think about it and consider not blaming the children. Maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe the true blame lies on the heads of their parents. It shouldn’t be that hard to taste test and tell your kid his or her lemonade tastes like goat urine. Could it be that the parents are the ones actually pushing the kids’ inferior product on the street? Normally that’d be a problem, but when you’re the only supplier in the subdivision, the fiends gonna find a way to get that ‘ade…

I’ll probably never be able to solve the problem. Even if I managed to bust up one lemonade operation, one would pop up in another neighborhood and the cycle would likely continue. People always talk about change, but stuff never changes…

(puffs cigarette)

Pitch Perfect Review: Drumline meets Glee meets Some Other Stuff

Watching Pitch Perfect is something I’ve been putting off for no reason but pure laziness. I love musicals. I love Anna Kendrick. Those two factors alone had me interested, but their was never a right moment…until 11:40 on a random Monday.

Armed with my chocolate chip cookies and iced tea, I put my Comcast Xfinity account to some damned good use.

This movie was cliche done right. It was nothing new at all, a complete ripoff of other movies, but still inspiring in its own weird little way. It had EVERYTHING you can find in a film about a team of young people who have to overcome their misunderstandings:

school setting, a sport that nobody is suing the NCAA over, singing, a black girl doing her best Missy Elliot impression, an awkward Asian girl, battles, The Breakfast Club, protagonist saying “You don’t even know me!”, antagonist(future bff of protagonist) saying “I’m in charge of this team!”, parents that just don’t listen, Corbin Bleu (but not really, you just find yourself asking if it’s him for the first 30 minutes or so), injury to one of the stars of the team, that one fat British chick who was supposed to blow up by now, Elizabeth Banks (who can play a minor role in 10 movies at once), battles!, vomiting, some random guy’s abs, a talented black guy who puts a kink in everyone’s plans (but not really because he ends up being a no good dirty cheater), a love interest who looks like a young Zachary Levi, people watching movies on laptops (aghhhh), mild racism, protagonist getting kicked off team and having to own up to their own bullshit, more vomiting, baloney breasts?, fist pumping, and Boone’s Farm.

I’m sure I’m leaving a few things out, but I will say that while this film is not lacking much in terms of entertainment. I give it 4/5 Fat Amy’s